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The Non-Existent War
Date Unknown
Location Spratly Islands, Rockall and the ocean surrounding Rockall
Result All units from both sides impounded by Cyberain.
Belligerents

Offensive: Pacem

Defensive: Vorno

Commanders and Leaders

Offense Leaders:

None

Defense Leaders:

None

Strength

Offensive: Two planes, two battleships, some one-man submarines and some sky cars.

Non-existent units: An unspecified number of elite stealth units, four battleships, an unspecified number of soldiers, an unspecified number of planes.

Defensive: Some artificial storm clouds, some artificial typhoons, a speedboat.

Non-existent units: An unspecified number of elite stealth units, an entire navy, some bombadiers, an artificial storm cloud.

Casualties and Losses
Military Casualties: One submarine and one sky car.

Non-existent units: At least 290 elite stealth units, four battleships, an unspecified number of soldiers, an unspecified number of planes.

Civilian Casualties: None.

Military Casualties: One speedboat.

Non-existent units: At least 760 elite stealth units, the bombadiers, the navy.

Civilian Casualties: One speedboat-driver.

This is one of many skirmishes between Vorno and Pacem. The first move was made by Pacem, who claimed Rockall. Whilst not technically an aggressive move, it is documented here because it plays an important part later on. Vorno’s president, Mike Torode, then went on holiday to the Spratly Islands. A Pacemian plane promptly dropped off ten Pacemian elite ‘stealths,’ which he’d never actually trained having decided to start with them, and sent them to sneak up on Torode. Vorno pointed out that Pacem’s plane would have been rather noticeable, and Torode’s two bodyguards, also elite soldiers that had never been trained but instead been started with, although they had been improved, killed four of the ten Pacemians with light-emitting diodes. It was generally assumed that lead was meant instead of led, and thus the Pacemians were killed with bullets. A fifth Pacemian fell over a fence and died. One Vornoain was killed and Torode immobilized. The second Vornoain activated a self-destruct ability that had never previously been mentioned and killed a further two Pacemians. Two of the remaining Pacemians flew up into another plane with Torode whilst the last Pacemian called in 4 Pacemian battleships that Pacem had never sent.

Thanks to an extremely silly code used by the Pacemians, the Vornoains immediately knew that Torode had been taken to Rockall. Some Vornoain artificial typhoons promptly destroyed the battleships which didn't exist, and 250 Vornoain elites were sent to retrieve their President, with orders to leave no Pacemians alive. The last Pacemian was somehow killed by one of Torode’s dead bodyguards, while Torode was indeed dropped off on Rockall, guarded by two more battleships, fifteen elites and an unspecified number of planes which didn’t actually exist as Pacem didn’t have the license to manufacture them.

Some Vornoain bombardiers were asked to go and drop bombs on Rockall. Given that bombardiers are humans, this was probably quite tricky, but they seemed to manage anyway, destroying some buildings that didn’t exist, since Pacem had never built any. Vorno’s artificial storm clouds attempted to zap some of the non-existent planes, which they couldn’t have done, but the non-existent planes were defended by plasma shields that wouldn’t have protected them. The non-existent planes somehow changed type to a different type (from F-22 to F-16), which Pacem still couldn't manufacture, then shot some missiles that they couldn’t have fired even if they had existed as either variety, and blew the bombardiers that weren’t there out of the sky. The NPE then pointed out that Rockall was owned by Cyberain. No-one paid any attention.

The Vornoains then used a navy that didn't seem to have ever been sent there to blow the planes that still didn’t exist out of the sky. The remaining bombardiers then attempted to crash into the ground, although since that’s where they must have been in the first place this must have been even trickier. A Pacemian plane that didn’t exist then crashed into the island, forcing a Pacemian elite to tackle Torode into the sea. Two Vornoain elites killed the Pacemian and rescued Torode. A speedboat arrived at the scene with five elites on board and retrieved Torode, then began to speed off, defended by some planes which couldn't really have gotten there.

Pacem sent some submarines, disguised ineffectually as sharks, after the speedboat, along with some sky cars. One submarine jumped out of the water, which it was never capable of doing, and ejected its pilot before returning to base via remote control that hadn’t been installed. One Vornoain elite threw a grenade into the submarine and killed all but one occupant, although since it was a one-man submarine one might consider this rather pointless. The Pacemian shot three elites and the boat driver, apparently forgot about the other two elites, shot a plane that isn’t there, and knocked out Torode, before steering the boat towards Pacem.

For some inexplicable reason, one of the Pacemian sky cars then blew up the engine of the boat that they were controlling at the time, killing the driver, who at the time was the Pacemian from the submarine. A third Vornoain appeared out of nowhere and shot at the sky car, but the bullets bounced off the plasma shield and killed him instead. Another Pacemian elite jumped out of a plane that hadn’t been sent there, killed the two remaining elites and dragged Torode underwater to a secret grotto, which was for some reason dry. He then knocked Torode out with a rock. The DUTML’s Ambassador Sriesti appeared, handed the guard a picnic basket, and vanished again.

It is then stated that a storm cloud that wasn’t there had shot the sky car before it could detonate the engine of the boat, destroying it and a submarine behind it. The Pacemian elite who’d taken control of the boat vanished out of history and the speedboat headed for the UK in the hope of Cyberain intervening. The only use of tactics in the entire skirmish was then used by Vorno, who sneakily prepared a second wave of elites to force the Pacemians off Rockall.

A Pacemian submarine then got in the way of the speedboat. Everyone on board except Torode was killed, while Torode was seriously injured. A sky car picked up Torode and headed for a Pacemian hospital, while Pacem killed the last Vornoains, only to find the second wave attacking. Vorno claimed Rockall while Torode underwent surgery to save his legs and left lung.

A Pacemian plane, which Pacem still didn’t have permission to manufacture, emptied just over half its payload of bombs, which Pacem also didn’t have permission to manufacture, onto Rockall. Juton sent a stealth unit, one of the few uses of a unit that actually existed, to sink the navy that still didn’t exist, then kidnapped Torode to sort out his injuries.

Cyberain finally intervened, although not in the sense that Vorno had wanted. As had been stated by the NPE, it owned Rockall. It therefore charged Pacem and Vorno with breaking a great many laws, stating that if all the units were not surrendered for a trial and investigation it would declare war on the two countries. Vorno protested that they didn’t think that Cyberain would own the islands surrounding the UK. Pacem then raged about pretty much the same thing. Neither of them were paid any attention. The trial never actually seemed to happen, and the net result was nothing but a great many corpses and ruined vehicles, most of which didn’t exist.

The last word was had by New Jamaica, who declared Pacem and Vorno to be idiots.

This incident was the start of a great many more skirmishes that culminated in the launching of an antimatter missile through the Earth, the voiding of said missile, and the passage of BoSS motion 21 which prevents future excessive exploitation of voiding.

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