Img 4944 vampire-insurance-crazy-crash

A vampire.... I think.

If you want to be in the next one, let me know. IN A WORLD where magic roams, etc. one man will truly disrupt the peace. That man... IS KYR (Who is a Vampire)!

Act I: WTF just happened?Edit

-Detectives Justin and Jamie were investigating the scene of an apparent crime, and already it was turning out to be very different from the usual death-

Police Officer: Apparently it is a Mr. Rache Glock.

Detective Jamie: Do not worry about informing me. I have a 6th Sense for this stuff. Death Sense.

-Jamie walks over to Justin, who is looking over the body-

Jamie: What’s that on his neck?

Detective Justin: Looks like a scab. *Rips it off* Oh, that’s dried chocolate.

Jamie: Wait, what’s that other thing on his neck?

Justin: Hmmm… looks like bite marks. O_o

Jamie: I think I saw this once in a movie.


Friend 1: No! No, we are friends! Do not bite me! I will diee!

Friend 2: But I am a bloodthirsty maniac that wants to bite you.

Friend 1: You are a vampire?!

Friend 2: No, just a psychopath.

-End flashback-

Jamie: Yep, definitely a movie. Hmm… Mr. Glock is wearing some nice boots.

Justin: Why yes, yes he is.

Jamie: >.> *Takes boots* <.< NO ONE SAY ANYTHING THIS IS EVIDENCE!

Police Officer: Why are you shouting?! Is everything okay?!

-Justin pulls out a shotgun and points it at a random civilian-
Justin: Sir! Sir, just calm down, sir! SIR!

Officer: Put that away!

Jamie: He will.

-Justin puts shotgun away-
Jamie: I told you he would.

-Meanwhile, on a nearby rooftop overlooking the shenanigans-

Count Akumla Zero: Blah ha h@! I am Russian and they vill nevar suspekt it iz me! Blah blah haha! *Count Akumla’s cape is flowing awesomely in the wind that isn’t there*

Act II: Back to the bootsEdit

-Back at the headquarters, Justin and Jamie are pondering over what they had seen at the crime scene. Jamie was wearing Glock’s boots by this time.-

Jamie: These are some NICE BOOTS. I could kill any ant and climb any mountain with these.

Justin: Now, why would there be bite marks on old Mr. Glock…?

Jamie: I bet I could store a secret knife in this. No one would even know. I feel like a Jedi.


Darth Later: *Breathing heavily, followed by lightsaber activating sound*

Jamie: It ends now! BVER BVERR BVER BVER *Epic custom lightsaber noises*

-End Flashback-

Jamie: I am back.

Justin: Where did you go?

Jamie: The past.

Justin: Nice.


-Jamie and Justin take the stairs down to the street level and rush outside, followed by several other detectives including Wane, who moonwalked outside-

Jamie: Hold on, let me get his ID. *Jamie pulls the man’s wallet out and checks the ID* A Mr. Rache Glock. Look, he has the same bite marks as the person that died in the last scene!

Justin: Could there be a connection?!

Jamie: Yeah man!

Justin: All of the clues will soon come together!

Jamie: Riiiiiiiiiight?

Justin: lol

-Wane casually moonwalks over and observes the body after Justin and Jamie have finished-

Wane: *To himself* This has to be the work of a vampire*

-From a distant rooftop-

Count Akumla Zero: Hmmm… Someone iz onto me… *Puts on eye patch* Arrrrr, matey.

Act III: Where are my pants?Edit

-At the office-

Justin: Where are my pants?? You seen them?

Jamie: How did you forget your pants? I swear you’re on drugs.

Justin: I thought I had them… but maybe I forgot to put then on today… I have no idea.

Jamie: Rofl

-At the Wane Cave, known as WANE Scientists (We Are Not Eccentric Scientists)-

Wane: Hmmm… research tells me that Vampires can only be killed by a stake through the heart…

-Wane begins looking around for supplies-

Wane: A wooden blade will not be as good as a steel blade lined with wood… I will call it the Roflknife.

-Wane begins constructing the Roflknife immediately-

-Back at the office-

Jamie: Okay, I’ve managed to get us a meeting with someone who claims to know what the killings are a result of.

Justin: Orly?

Jamie: Yarly. He’s a Mr. Rache Glock.

Justin: I feel like I’ve heard that name before…

Jamie: Me too. Déjà Vu is retarded. FUS… ROH DAHH!H!!!

-Justin goes flying into the wall-

Justin: What was that?!

Jamie: FUS….

Justin: NO!

Jamie: ROH DAHHH!!!!!

-Justin flies through the wall-

-Jamie appears through the hole in the wall-

Jamie: FUS….



-Justin flies out the window-

-Later on, Justin and Jamie arrive at Mr. Glock’s residence in England-

Justin: These betters have been worth the flight…

Jamie: These betters have?

Justin: Microsoft’s Auto-Correct is retarded, that’s why.


-Justin knocks on Mr. Glock’s door-

-Mr. Glock answers, wearing boots and a nice suit-

Jamie: Nice boots. I have the same ones!

Justin: Yes, very nice. O_O

Rache Glock: Please, come in. I wouldn’t want you to get your boots wet.

-Did I mention it’s raining in England when Justin and Jamie arrive?-

-Justin and Jamie enter Glock’s residence-

Justin: Nice st00f.

-Rache motions to a table, which is set out with cheerios-

Rache Glock: I thought it’d be rude if I did not give you two a bowl of cheerios while we discuss.

Jamie: Thanks mannn.

-Justin and Jamie sit down, as does Glock-

Justin: So Mr. Rache Glock, what do you know about the recent deaths in wherever we were before we were here?

Rache Glock: Please, call me R.Glock.

Justin: Okay R.Glock.

-R.Glock pulls out a small Ziploc bag full of cheerios and begins slowly eating them while talking-

R.Glock: Yes, right. I think that the killings are being done by no mortal man. In fact, I firmly believe it’s a vampire we are dealing with.

Jamie: Now I remember the movie I was thinking about in Act I…


-Friend 1 now closes the door behind Friend 2 in a desperate attempt to get away-

Friend 2: BY THE WAY *clawing at the door* I LIED! I AM A VAMPIRE, NOT A PSYCHOPATH!

Friend 1: Eat silver bullet, vampire I once called friend!

Friend 2: That’s Werewolves.

Friend 1: Oh.

-Friend 3 breaks in the window to the room where Friend 1 is-

Friend 3: I am a Werewolf!

-Friend 1 kills him-

Friend 3: How did you know? D: *Dies*

-End Flashback-

R.Glock: As I was saying *Places cheerios on the table* I have a strong feeling it’s Count Akumla Zero…

Justin: Count Akumla Zero?

R.Glock: Yes, Count Akumla Zero.

-Awkward pause-


Count Akumla: Oh, sorry. That was my cue. YES, IT IS I, COUNT AKUMLA, THAT HAS BEEN DOING THIS! Too bad none of you will live to tell the tale…

-R.Glock pulls out a Glock that fires wooden stakes-


-Count Akumla springs into action, tackling R.Glock-

R.Glock: Run! I will hold him off as long as I can!

Jamie: Thank you, R. Glock!

-Jamie and Justin begin running out of the apartment-

Jamie: Oops, forgot my phone. *Runs back in*

-R.Glock is dead on the floor, with a note from Count Akumla-

-Jamie moves over to it and begins reading it-

Jamie: “Dear Jamie and Justin, I know your names. I know more about you guys than you think, because I have been watching you more closely than you have been watching me. For example, I know that Jamie is reading this right now.” *Jamie gasps* “I also know that Justin is about to scream ‘HURRY UP, JAMIE!’”


Jamie: *Gasps* “R.Glock is dead, and you have no idea how to stop me unless you think back to what he did before I killed him! BLAH HAHA HH@H@ #YOLO”

-Jamie walks outside-

Justin: What took you so long?

Jamie: I found a note… from Count Akumla… He knows more than we think!

Justin: *Gasp*

Act IV: Ranthar PainEdit

-Wane is now working on hiring a Lead Researcher-

Wane: So, Wallcano, is it?

Volcano: Close enough.

Wane: Alright Wallcano, why do you want this job?

Volcano: Well, I feel that I’m highly qualified for whatever it is you are going to be doing.

Wane: Hmmm… I wonder what I am going to be doing…

Volcano: I thought you knew what you were doing? >_>

Wane: Nope. Just kinda making this up as I go along.

Volcano: <_<

Wane: Anyway, you’re hired, my friend. *Shakes Volcano’s hand* Welcome!

Volcano: Alright! So, what do you need me to do first?

Wane: I need you to begin researching into Count Akumla Zero… I think he has a major role in the recent killings in the area.

Volcano: What will you are doing? >_>

Wane: What will you are?

Volcano: Microsoft’s Auto-Correct is retarded.

Wane: Ah. Anyway, I am going to be designing my Roflknife…

Volcano: Why? <_<

Wane: Kill vampires. Bring the pain!

Volcano: Oh. >_>

-A crash is heard outside-

Wane: What the?? Come on!

-Wane and Volcano rush outside, only to see a man wrestling with someone wearing a cape-

Volcano: I know him! That’s Rache Glock!

R.Glock: WANKER! LET ME KILL YOU ALREADY! Count Akumla: No. Would the Flyers sit back and let another team win?!

R.Glock: Yes.

Count Akumla: Lies. RAWR! *Bites Glock*

R.Glock: AAH! Owww… Owww that hurt… Just ow. SSS OWW! My gosh… I feel lightheaded. *Falls over dead*

-Count Akumla directs his green/red/brown eyes at Wane-

Count Akumla: Let this be a lesson. Stop trying to find a way to stop me.

Wane: How in the hell did you know? By the way, what color are your eyes?

-Count Akumla runs and begins climbing the building to leave quickly-

Volcano: Let’s go inside before he comes back and kills us too. >_>

Wane: How do you do that?

Volcano: Do what? <_<

Wane: THAT.

Volcano: >_>

Wane: Yeah, that.

Volcano: I don’t know. Just… >_>

Wane: Q_Q Uhh… ~_~

Volcano: No, no. Like this: >_>

Wane: C_C Dang it. That’s so hard to do.

Volcano: <_<

Act V: Confronting Old KyrEdit

-Count Akumla is now looking at his cape in the mirror as he practices showing his fangs to better frighten people-

Count Akumla: Eh, this is pretty good. I’m hungry.

-R.Glock breaks down the door-

R.Glock: Not so fast!

Count Akumla: Oh good, lunch. RAWR—

-Wane and Volcano break through the glass at the other end of the room-

Wane: Wane and Wallcano reporting!

Count Akumla: And there’s seconds!

-Detectives Justin and Jamie drive through the wall in a car they don’t necessarily own-

Jamie: Sup nobs.

Count Akumla: Surrounded I see? Well I’ll just—

-Viking crashes through the ceiling, followed by Olaf who is trying to kill him to gain his powers-

Everyone: O_o


-Olaf and the Viking engage in epic hand-to-hand combat, making use of Nordic swords-

Olaf: You are no match for me!! Ayeeee!!

-As Olaf screams, Glock runs over and tackles Count Akumla to the floor. Akumla quickly pushes him away, and Glock hits the wall-

-Jamie and Justin begin making messes in the corner in a very official manner-

-Wane and Volcano run over to the place where Glock and Akumla are fighting, and as they do so Glock pulls out his Glock-

R.Glock: Time to die. Cheerio!

-At lightning speed, Akumla runs up to Glock and knocks the Glock right out of his hands-

R.Glock: How dare you Akumla.

Count Akumla: RAWR! Time to die yourself. *Bites Glock*

-Just then, Wane trips on Volcano’s untied shoe and stabs Akumla in the leg with the Roflknife-

R.Glock: Bleeding….

Count Akumla: AAAAAGGHHH! *Hits the Roflknife out of Wane’s hand and begins to make his escape somehow*

-The Viking crashes right next to Wane, who starts screaming-

Olaf: I won.

Glock: Wonka bars… *Dies*

Justin: Well, the job is done.

Wane: They got away, and you guys did nothing.

Justin: Oh.

Volcano: >_>


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